"These are hard times for dreamers"

Today I happened upon my absolute favorite movie Le Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain. I actually first saw this movie on this same channel-IFC back in grade 11, so like 6 years ago. I loved it so much I even cut my hair to look like Amelie's, which was not necessarily the best look for me. I love it because it makes me want to be both more and less like the main character Amelie. More like her in the helping people way but less like her in the introverted, live in your head kind of way.Anyways if you haven't seen it you should because it instantly always makes me feel better about life. It does have subtitles, which alot of people don't like but some of the best movies I have ever seen are subtitled. Here are some pics and awesome quotes that make me love this movie:

"Nino is late. Amelie can only see two explanations.
1 - he didn't get the photo.
2 - before he could assemble it, a gang of bank robbers took him hostage. The cops gave chase. They got away... but he caused a crash. When he came to, he'd lost his memory. An ex-con picked him up, mistook him for a fugitive, and shipped him to Istanbul. There he met some Afghan raiders who too him to steal some Russian warheads. But their truck hit a mine in Tajikistan. He survived, took to the hills, and became a Mujaheddin. Amelie refuses to get upset for a guy who'll eat borscht all his life in a hat like a tea cozy." My exact perspective on most boys.

"Any normal girl would call the number, meet him, return the album and see if her dream is viable. It's called a reality check. The last thing Amélie wants." Things in my head are usually a million times better.

"You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?"

"It's better to help people than garden gnomes."

Random thought..

I rarely talk about my love life on here, but thats because thats the type of girl I am. I keep my feelings on the inside where I believe they belong. Whenever I see those sappy facebook type status about love and such I usually fake vomit to myself.(no offence to anyone here, I'm not saying my way is better by any means its just how I roll)I generally am attracted to assholey type guys but I somehow attract these super nice, sweet, genuine guys who just want to tell me about their feelings and let me stomp all over their hearts...and not just once they let me stomp repetedly. Not that I mean to at all, I usually just perceive us as just being friends but somehow they get the wrong idea. I think this has to do with my supposed ability to flirt without realizing it, seriously thats just how I am. I'm also not sure to stop these things from happening..Should I just not be friends with boys? Cause that seems like a shoddy options but at the same time I hate hurting anyone I consider to be a friend let alone a good friend. Also the title of this post is a lie because it is not a random thought but rather something that has happened to me twice this week, which makes me feel especially shitty. This song only semi relates but it reminds me of this kind of situations:

Reasons why being alone sucks:

1. I hear noises from the other apartments around me and think they are coming from inside my apartment.
2. A painting fell off the wall, scaring the shit out of me.
3. I keep thinking I see the cat or hear her bell but then it is actually nothing
4. Sometimes I don't chew my food enough and end up choking, which is scarier when I am alone.
5. I have no one to talk to in person.

home alone..

I can't quite figure out how I'm feeling tonight, except for tired. I've just gotten back from visiting home for Christmas and its nice to be back. But at the same time I already miss my family and I am bored and lonely. I keep thinking I see the cat but she is currently with jojo in her hometown. Since I promised a pic of my hair cut, here it is:

This is also proof that I can make regular shaped cupcakes/muffins.

Proof of my somewhat domesticity

I'm not claiming I'm the next Martha Stewart. In fact most things I make don't look particularily appetizing. However they almost always taste good so I figure that counts waaaayyy more than looks. This isn't cake boss for sure but I try dammit and my family at least seems to enjoy it.
Here is a pictorial display of my adventures in cooking.

Turns out we have a convection oven, which does not make cupcakes rise in the same way that a regular oven does. At least that what I'm blaming it on, and really I have never made or seen cupcakes that have ever turned out anything like this. Here is a particularily funny one:

Here they are once they are finished and iced. They have chocolate icing and then fluff on them because I am currently addicted to smores things right now but I didn't like how they turned out. The chocolate icing over powered the fluff too much, not making it marshmellowy enough. Next time I am going to put just fluff then like a dab of chocolate syryp on top.

Here is my little Sister pretending to help me in my baking adventures but in fact D. was carefully planning what she is going to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse...and talking to boys. She did grease the pans but I suspect I could have done it faster.

Here are some chocolate cream pie and the chocolate chip cookies I made.. I once again blame the convection oven for the appearance of the cookies but really I probably put to much dough on the pan..

]


I rarely get the motivation to bake but when that motivation does indeed strike I usually end up making several things. The one thing I didn't make that I usually do when I'm on a baking streak is apple muffins but I'm thinking I'll save that for christmas morning. Also if you look closely you may notice that I did indeed get my hair cut but I guess how much I got cut is still shrouded in mystery.

little sister torture time..

So today is the first day I've actually made home in my journey to visit all my family..I've concluded that my family needs to all collaborate and move withing 5 minutes of each other but that is besides the point. To celebrate being home I decided to harrass my little sister who is someone who likes to sleep late.. When simply steamrollering her and stealing all her pillows and blankets didn't work I began with my most powerful psychological torture this song:

When that didn't work I thought for awhile of something even more annoying and then it occured to me, THE WHALE SONG and I hoped and prayed it would be on youtube.. and it was:

but apparently her resistance to being awake is strong and she resisted.. I am now playing them both at the same time which is hurting my head so I think I'm going to have to resort to jumping on her again.. there really is no way she is actually sleeping tho. I do it all out of love..
Other than that my plans for the day are pretty chill..I guess I am going shopping for my own christmas presents because my mom is away and I'm getting my hair cut which I am pretty pumped about..

lists

wake up ridiculously too early- check
call in sick to work- check
hope noone from work reads my blog- check
activate facebook and msn for blackberry- check
pack enough underwear for a month- check
create sweet new playlist on my ipod- check
packed vodka-check
am wearing semi regular clothing- check




looks like I'm ready for home

Things I want right now..

1. Some awesome driving songs for my ipod, or just awesome new to me songs.. I'm getting tired of everything on it right now, to many bus trips lately. Also the thing about my ipod is I find deleting songs as hard as throwing out clothes..cause I might want them someday or I used to love them. (If anyone is going to make suggestions don't make ones that are christmas music, if you are wondering why please refer to my previous rant on christmas music)
2. A new profile picture for facebook, one where I look semi normal. I'm getting scared that potential grad schools or employers may creep my facebook in order to tell if I am a good studious person. I suspect the picture of me looking like a crazy homeless person does not necessarily give off that impression.
3. To be home!! I am ready for some time away from freddy, to see everyone I haven't seen in forever and to have some good family time. Also I am looking forward to having some completely free time as well as a stocked up fridge. I haven't been home for more than two or three days since last christmas so it should be sweeeet.
4. A new haircut. My long hair is driving me insane. It gets in my clothes, in my sheets, in my food. It itches me, it tickles me, it gets in my mouth. It drives jo jo insane as well, clogs the tub and the vacumn cleaner. Basically it has got to go. I am also open to suggestions about what I should do with it, I'm thinking something drastically different.
5. Pants lined with flannel. Once a million years ago a friend's boyfriend showed me his pants were lined with flannel and I have since dream of owning a pair like that. I don't think they make girl pants like that but it would be sweet, especially since it has been frigging ridiculously stupid cold out the past couple of days.This one is just a general thing I always want but I figured 4 was a silly number to end on.

This is the end..

Today will mark the official end to my undergrad, as long as I hypothetically pass all my classes. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I am one part ecstatic and many parts nervous and freaked out. But its a good feeling I guess, I mean this has been something I've been working towards for quite some time. I feel like today should be more than its going to be..that is today is going to be a completely regular day..school in the morning then work this evening..Maybe thats a sign of new found maturity cause normally this would be an occasion for getting trashed.

This is all for you T-pain..

So I'm writing an essay today for my renaissance drama class when sudenly I realize I am writing about the original Edward and Bella relationship. That right, the relationship of Edward II and Queen Isabella. Coincidentally this relationship seemingly has many similiarities. Edward is a homosexual who completely alienates his Queen Isabella to the point that she begins an affair with another man (Mortimer in this, but I'm sure they needed a newer hipper name for twilight, hence Jacob) eventually each of these characters end up dead or imprisioned, which I can only hope is what happened in Twilight. Edward coincidentally goes by way of hot poker up the ass, something I think would hurt that vampire mothafucka..Anyways slight digression from my homework that was coincidentally due days ago..

At least give me some credit..

I know that its sometimes hard not to judge people especially when they aren't necessarily being their best selves and this is your first impression of this person or even your second. But you know me and I would hope that people would realize that I am not that much of a shitshow or that stupid that I would get in a car with a drunk driver. The person in question was my guest, who I brought, and with whom I had been with for the majority of the night. I know for a fact that while he was with me for a span of about 4 hours, he had 3 beer which in a person his size does not make someone drunk. I would know because in that span a time I also had 3 drinks and was barely feeling it. Also the slide into the curb was in fact the result of careful driving on slippery roads on summer tires where the result of reckless driving would probably have been flipping the car or wrapping it around the phone pole that was also in front of us. I'm glad you all feel the need to judge someone I brought when I have done nothing but try and be friendly no matter who was brought around. I'm also glad that you have that much faith in me that you think I would go with someone possing a danger not only to myself but also to others.Thanks.

Fuck Feelings..

I hate feelings. I like to ball mine up and shove them down into the pit of my stomach where they generally cause me no pain..except occasionally every feeling I have comes bubbling up to the surface and I sit on the bus hoping that I am not going to start crying into the London Fog that was supposed to make me feel better but that is actually just hurting my stomach cause thats where the feelings are exploding from. This is a ridiculous phenomenon that happens to me. True story: I get put in the drunk tank and proceed to cry for three hours about everything that has happened in my life for about a year. This is probably one of those "unhealthy" things I do but really I hate expressing emotions..especially in front of people I know.. at least in the drunk tank or the bus I am an anonymous crazy girl, rather than the crazy girl you know all to well. I like being the girl who can laugh things off or who is practically a "man" because of her lack of feelings and my ability to drink like a champ. I don't ever want to be the crazy girl who can't stop crying in a ball in the drunk tank. But really somedays thats closer to who I am. I'm not sure where I'm going with except this: It was truly lovely to have a blog for this short period of time.. I think I have adaquetely proved my point about how easy it is to write in a blog everyday. However I think I'm done with it because really I censor myself to much so much that my other original point, coming to terms with my life, has become null and void. I am proving nothing here except continuing my fear of letting people see who I actually am. Therefore I think I'm done.Later homes, its been real.

I wonder..

Do you think the cakes on cake boss are actually delicious? Cause they look cool and all but sometimes it seems like there would be way to much icing or that things wouldn't taste good.. Like when they make stuff out of rice crispies and then cover them with icing..doesn't seem like it would taste good at all. I generally love cake, really all cake but sometimes it seems a bit much. My favorite cake is cheesecake(in every manifestation..except maybe with bananas or lemons cause I don't really like those but in cheesecake its hard to tell) closely followed by the red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing from the market. It actually might be a toss up cause I will usually choose to buy the cupcake but that might just be because there cheaper and easier to eat while in motion. Anyways back to my original point some cakes just seem creepy and weird or just to much to actually taste any good. I guess sometimes the cake is mainly for looks or whatnot but seriously that is not the point of cake...That is actually the opposite of the point of cake. I would rather a plain looking but delicious cake any day.. Here are some particularily
ridiculous cake pictures:

This is a Tyler story..

This semester I am taking french composition as the last requirement to completing my degree. This is difficult for me because I am used to being fairly good at expressing myself in English in written form and its fairly frustrating not being able to do that as well in french. Anyone who tries to learn a new language I feel your pain. However most of my frustations come from the fact that I used to be much better at french and I just let it go but anyways this is not what I wanted to write about. What I want to write is what I was writing in french but could do much better at in english so here it is: Lying, is it a trap or a necessary evil? I lie literally all the time mainly to accomadate other people. Like when people want to know what I want to do but I don't want to be bossy so I try and make them chose. I'm sure this is a very irrritating quality about myself but I somehow can't get past it. I have good intentions in doing it but at the same time its frustating for both people. Also there are the kind of lies you tell because you don't want to be a bitch like saying you like someones cooking when you don't. Would it really be better to just be honest all the time? Cause sometimes I say stuff and I'm just like wow, that not how I really feel at all and then I have to correct myself which probably seems pretty strange. Or I'm with people and I lie so I fit in better but really thats not who I am at all. I guess this isn't that much easier in english cause I still don't know what I'm trying to get at. I'm sure there is a good life lesson somewhere in there like I need to be more honest with myself or something silly like that.

Its going to be Legend wait for it..and if your lactose intolerant your not going to like it because its dairy....

So my current favorite show is How I met your Mother, possibly the most hilarious show ever invented. I love pretty much everything about it and I like all the characters on it which is actually quite rare for me(except for the time Britney Spears was on it, she literally wreaks everything.) I literally(actually figuratively not to shame my canadian vocab) pee my pants pretty much everytime I watch it. I can't even say I have a favorite character on the show because they all have their most awesome moments. Ted drunk, Robin and her ungirlyness, Lily and her shopping, Marshall and Barney pretty much always. Since perhaps not every reader has watched this show here are some terrific quotes from it. "Aint no ring on my finger" Barney "I brought jello shots, we getting silly bitches"- Super old guy Robin dates. I am to tired to actually look up more quote so those are ones off the top of my head. Perhaps I will think of more later but right now I am going to go back to my comatosed state of watching hours of How I met Your mother.

things I secretly love..

Well I can't admit to many of the things I secretly love but tonight I re-discovered one of these things I am not that ashamed to admit to, and that is: Clueless. It is a pretty epic movie. I am going to be calling people monets from now on, as in looks ok from far away but is hagsville up close. Much better than like butterface. I feel like I would like to get socially awkward friend and transform them but I suspect I might be that person. Perhaps one of my lovely ladies should take it as a mission to transform me. Another thing I secretly, well maybe semi secretly, love is degrassi old school and next generation. I think I have admitted to this before but they are really like my comfort food of tv. Whenever I'm sad I just watch some degrassi and it makes me feel exponentially more happy. Shoutout to my firend hutchers who I'm pretty sure hasn't seen clueless but I would suspect would really like it- Fact cher the popular girl in this movie gets red and blotchy when she is nervous. I thought of you. LOVE

RANT!

I love christmas, I truly do. I am not one of those bah humbuggy types that hate everything about the season by any means. I love christmas tree and light and christmas food and candy. I love the time I get to spend with my ridiculous family. I actually even like christmas carols, but frig I like them in their place. I was fine when my place of employement decided to decorate for christmas halfway through october. I was like whatev get in the spirit. However today they started with the christmas carols. And after 4 hours of them I have discovered why cashiers go on murdering rampages. It is simply because after a month and a half of christmas carols they simply snap. Another thing that is ridiculous is the fact that none of the christmas carols they do play have any religious implication. I guess this is so as not to offend anyone but really christmas is a motherfucking religious holiday. If you don't want to offend anyone just don't play the stupid music, cause really when you take out the religious carols you have enough christmas music for about 2 hours. After that you get different variations on the same songs. Thats another thing I friggin hate is vpeople like trying to cool up christmas music. Seriously just give up, its carols they aren't meant to be cool and your stupid variations fucking suck. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the christmas season unless I spontaneously go deaf... or pucture my own ear drums...which is seeming like a legitemate option right now..

sometime I break things and other events from my weekend..

So I went to this party this weekend where I only knew the person I had gone with... and I proceeded to knock over not just one thing but two things..I knocked over a vase and broke a wine glass.But other than that I had probably one of my most fun nights out this semester, I think because we just stayed at the party instead of going to the bar which is not really my thing right now.I am super excited for next weekend because its going to be my first weekend this semester that I'm in town and not working friday or saturday. So it should be lots of fun. I've been thinking alot about what I'm going to be doing next semester because I will be finished with all the credits I need for my degree. Here are my options as I see them:

1.Keep going to school and working

2.Work at Kent(This may make me kill myself if I just do that)

3. Get a different Job here

4. Go home and live there for a bit

5. Go somewhere else and have an adventure

If anyone has any good ideas for adventures let me know. Also let me know if you have any idea what I should do with my life in generally cause I'm not really sure about that either..

BEST MUSIC VIDEO EVER!!

"Are you not like other girls because of all the chocolate behind your ears?" That is specifically why I am not like other girl.. keep that in mind.. anyways I thought this was friggin hilarious. Enjoy!

Every feel like laying down on the ground and just staying there? Until something worthwhile makes you get up? I do.. but I'm lucky enough that something always make it impossible to stay there..

I love my degree..

I happen to be a world literature and cultural studies major and an English minor. Therefore I get to take classes that I find incredibly amusing like film genre zombies and international horror. Even my more serious classes like medieval literature have their fun moments, like we get to watch monty python and the holy grail. I occasionally get shit from people about what I am in fact going to do with my degree when I am finished since I am taking apparently ridiculous things. However I am learning lots of creative thinking and problem solving and mainly how to bullshit my way out of any possible situation. All things which I think are incredibly important. Today I am not concerned with what I'm going to do with my degree but simply that I love it and I'm happy if anything that I got to speand 4 years reading books and learning about things I care about. The main reason I got on this train of thought is this:http://theoatmeal.com/comics/zombie_how which is quite hilarious.

This is what my busy life has come to..

DRINKING ALONE!! This isn't as extreme as it sounds. I am going to get on the bus in about 30 minutes and meet up with my friends who are currently on a pubcrawl, which if I was not employed I would be currently getting kicked off of(Hopefully not but I would be on it nevertheless). Anyways not to make anyone worry, I simply needed to do something that would make me feel less ridiculous because drinking alone in a pubcrawl shirt is the epitome of sad and pathetic, as going on the bus alone to the bars. WOW I just realized how sad that actually is going to be. Hopefully some fun times will ensue to make up for this initial terribleness.

The ultimate face..

In pictures I am a horrible facemaker..there is much pictorial evidence of this. The only time I seem to be able to make a nice face is if I am incredibly drunk and have forgotten to make faces in pictures. Even my face in pictures where I am attempting to look nice its come out looking awkward or forced and at times incredibly terrifying. I've come to terms with this phenomena of my face that seems to happen when cameras are present and I accept the millions of pictures on facebook where I look ridiculousI guess that kind of to specific of a statements because I actually apparently make faces quite a bit of the time. I guess my face is expressive which at least the muscles in my face will always be well toned. What got me on this train of thought is one picture from Halloween which epitomizes my face making habits. I'm not sure if I noticed the picture was being taken or not but regardless this picture is epic.

I am a pumpkin by the way... Specifically I was supposed to be the Slutty Pumpkin from How I met Your Mother but that fact seemed to be lost on most people. Also apparently compared to many bar ho types my costume was not very slutty and in fact got refered to as "adorable" several times. Not what I was going for.

nostalgic music..

I like to think I'm not that nostalgic of a person but I definatly have my moments. And I find music is one of those things that instantly can transport you back to a certain moment or feeling and that is not always something that is necessary to remain sane on a given day. Today my ex(who I am attempting to be friends with, on a semi sucessful basis) reminded me about a song I used to love but literally haven't heard in like 5 years. This song is King of Carrot Flowers pt 1 by Neutral Milk Hotel. So when I got home today I listened to this song which just brought back a bunch of different emotions...mainly nostalgia though.. This song reminds me of alot of things in my life both good and bad but its just interesting to think how one little thing like that can bring back so much all at once. Anyways to counter balance these odd feelings that were making me sad I listened to this song, which is my new happy song.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHNAFRg6jYA

My room is a giant explosion of halloween..

Turns out drunk Robyn likes to rampage through my nice clean room and throw shit around.. So my room is once again chaos embodied, which makes me feel like my life is kind of like chaos embodied. All in Halloween weekend was lots of fun but not as much as I wanted it to be. But on reflecting on past Halloweens I usually do have fun but also with a bit non funness as well. Anyways I don't really have much to say and degrassi tng is on so I'm going to end with first a shout out to my Big Sis in PEI who apparently reads my blog everyday as well..Love you and Miss you! Also a shout out to Hutch and her silliness "Its rude to shower..in the tub"

An homage to my most loyal blog reader(I think)..

So today I got a text from my lovely friend T-pain telling me I need to update my blog more and to fuck schoolwork because she depends on me to get through her work day(this is why she has earned the title of my most loyal blog reader. If you would like this title text me more about my blog haha). So I thought it might be fun to talk about our friendship for a bit. T-pain is one of my sorority sisters and has been one of my friends since my 2nd year of university.I think we became especially close third and 4th year. So she is basically one of my best friends. We have lots of things in common like we are both single, we can both be incredible lushes and we both tell ridiculous stories(often with no point). She is less adept at writing than I am being an engineer but she is hilarious and lots of fun to hang out with. I also almost always like her sense of style except occasionally I don't agree with her old lady sweaters. My main issue with her if any is her love for twilight which I can't comprehend at all. However one of the main reasons I think we are friends, other than our ridiculous sense of humour, is how brave she is. This is something that I noticed from the first moment I met her that she is incredibly brave especially when it comes to boys. This is something I admire alot about her and is one of the reasons I was drawn to her as a friend. I wish I could channel this overt braveness with boys to my own life and often when I have my moments of braveness its because she has influenced me to do so. She is an inspiration to me. So T-pain I hope this a sufficient blog entry for you and I hope everyone else liked the description of one of my favorite people. LOVE!

sometimes people really freak me out..

As I have previously stated I am trying to work out on a more regular basis..This is semi difficult because it takes time something which I don't really have a ton of that isn't already occupied. Well today I got up early specifically so I could go to the gym in my building where I have enjoyed nice peaceful alone working out. Well to day I go down and I'm listening to my ipod and I turn on the light and go to walk in and there is already someone in there who I have just turned the lights off on. So naturally I run away.. which is kind of like working out.. but now I'm kind of sad cause I did actually want to work out a bit and I clearly can't go back until I'm sure this other person is gone which won't leave me enough time to get to school and such..

Ridiculous things that I love:

1. Degrassi the next generation
2. Old school Degrassi
3. Oatmeal mixed with yogurt
4. Ice cream with peanut butter
5. My bathrobes
6. Swimming in the ocean
7.Puppies
8.Mamma Mia
9. Musicals
10.Dear Abby and hints from Heloise
11. Horoscopes
12.Daily rip off calendars

This list is in no particular order but is in the order in which I thought of them. Clearly there are many other things that I love in general but they aren't really that ridiculous unless were talking about people. I love many people who are quite ridiculous. Anyways my life isn't exciting and the most exciting thing that happened today was that this girl in one of my classes who hasn't been there for awhile was back. She has the most ridiculous crazy hair of anyone ever. I may use my spy skills so I can take a picture and post it here because it is really beyond discription.

I hate drinking..

Because I inevitably work on the weekends these days, drinking has become alot less fun. The evening before part is filled with the anxiety about how I will feel the next day and the next day is filled with feeling shitty at work. Also I accidentally drank half an energy drink so I had difficulties sleeping which could lead to an especially terrible day at work.. Anyways my basic point is drinking seems to be alot less worth it than it used to be. The only good part is the chance to see my wonderful friends at their most ridiculous.

my attempts not to be a lazy bastard..

So I have lived in the building I live in for about 3 months now and today was the first day I went to the gym. It has a convienient locations of a quick walk down the stairs but I have never gotten motivated enough to go. That is motivation plus a great feeling of braveness because I was scared of other people being there and it being weird. But today I went and found out I am much more out of shape than I previously suspected. I figured since I walk alot that I would be relatively in shape but I am not. So by putting this in my blog I am hoping to carry on with going to the gym cause I have really no excuse not to and I will feel like I should because I have talked about it. I mainly want to do it for stress relief cuase my mom swears by it. So heres hoping this will provide me with lots of motivation..

RANT!

Following the footseps of one of my blogging friends I feel the need to have a momentary rant here it goes:
I have been I guess "seeing" this guy who I will from now on refer to as dogtags simply because that is what my friends call him. The name in itself is a funny story but besides the point. So anyways dogtags has been texting me for several months now. Here is how our texting conversation almost always go:
dt-Hey
me- hey whats up?
dt-nm you?
me- whatever I am doing haha..
dt-nice
These conversations can actually go on for many more text messages but here is the rant part: Just say what you want!!!What is your purpose in texting me!!let me know because texts cost money!!Plus it is ridiculously irritating to have this same convo over and over again. Also I'm not that big of a fan of texting in general so this drives me absolutely insane. My roomate can actually recite how our texting progresses...that is ridiculous...That is all for now..

don't judge me..

I was thinking today about things that I could write in this silly blog and I realize how much I censor myself. I have lots of ridiculous things happen to me constantly but I don't mention many of them because I am worried about who will wander onto my blog from my facebook page and judge me for these ridiculous things. I also began thinking of how ridiculous that worry is and that maybe half my ridiculousness I should just let go and get over.. Which is actually something I was hoping to accomplish in writing this blog. Because I'm not sure yet which way I will go, perhaps throw caution to the wind or perhaps to live my self censored being here is a song I like that I listen to when I am trying to get over things:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZTslh_e2iE it actually might take a couple listens to love but it has grown on me. I also need to finish a 2 hundred page french book I am about 35 pages into by tommorow. If this was an english book it would be possible maybe plausible depending on the book. I feel like it might be hopeless but I'm going to try.Wish me luck..

I just drank 32 oz of water..

So I am awake incredibly early this morning because I had to get up and drink 32 oz of water two hours before going to the doctor. Being constantly late as I usually am I instead finished the task about an hour before. Hopefully this still works.I did have a super weird dream last night. It involved an election campaign that turned into to a take down mission all in one of my university classes. I not sure what in my life would cause such a dream to occur but I generally enjoyed it nevertheless. Early in the morning my brain doesn't work as well and nothing exciting has happened to me yet. This is all that has happened in my life today: Its raining, I just drank water from a measuring cup and its cold in my house when I am out of my bed.

Things that prove I am an old lady:

1. I am awake and not hungover on a Sunday at 10am(Only thing that would make it more old lady esq is if I was going to church but alas I must go to work)
2.Last night instead of going out drinking with friends I stayed home and hung out with the kittie.
3.I went to bed before 12 midnight on a saturday.
4. I plan on eating oatmeal for breakfast(Maybe I just felt like I needed at least one more reason)

so all my good intentions went to waste..

Today I have one, one hour class that I have skipped multiple times. I wanted to today but I wasn't going to. I got up and even showered and was going to get on the bus that gets me to school an hour before class and that won't get me home until an hour after this class. I walked out my door only to see that bus drive away about 2 minutes before it normally does. Which is irritating because now I am up and dressed for no apparent reason as I have nothing else to do until sometime this evening. This evening I am going to the movies and then to his house for drinks which should allow for many awkward if not ridiculous events..I will keep you posted.

alone again..

So I am once again alone for the weekend, with just the company of the kitty. I feel like I didn't accomplish enough things on my list from last time I was alone on the weekend so I think I will continue to work on doing those things this weekend.I was alone for about 4 hours, all of them spent at work when I did the first ridiculous thing of my time alone. I was walking home from my job at the hardware store talking on my phone with my rotten little sister. I do this because I am sometimes afraid walking home because the road is long and dark and beside a semi highway. So anyways I am almost home when a car I don't recognize pulls over and someone asks if I would like a drive. I don't recognize really any car so this is abnormal I just figure its someone from work so I get in the car. I then look and its someone in a military uniform so I figure for a second it is one of my fake dad's friends that I have met once or twice. I then realize I have just gotten in a car with a STRANGER!!!So this stranger is like where do you live and I am debating whether I should jump out of the frigging car or what but instead I just direct him to my building which was literally like a 2 sec drive away. Clearly I am now home and fine but frig I was pretty much in a situation where I could have been MURDERED!!But all in all this random stanger seemed ok and just dropped me off at my security building and it was cold out. Damn my being from someplace where you can just assume you know people when they offer you jobs in the street.On a different note because of the cold I have broken out my bathrobe again, which I will now be living in while at home until spring..

Thinking of you..

I hang out with many people that are either in the military or who are involved with someone in the military. Days like today make me remember how hard being in one of those categories are. As a person who hates when people leave I have simply this to say: I will be thinking of you during the time you are gone, stay safe and much love and thanks. To their ladies: if you need anything let me know, also much love.

I am a giant wuss..

People that know me well will have already realized that I am pretty much the biggest wuss ever.. Even people that don't know me that well or who have just met me should have some idea that I am at the very least not a brave person. I get irrationally freaked out all the time for no particular reason. Well today for my Zombie genre film class today we watched Dawn of the Dead. Not the new dawn of the dead but the old one, that is probably from the 80's, Nevertheless this movie still gave me some pretty good jumps. I really hate things that jump out at you unexpectedly and I'm probably the easiest person to scare in real life. I used to live in quite the old apartment, in an old house that I was convinced was haunted( Cab drivers called it the haunted house, seriously), anyway I was constantly scared by my roomate's boyfriend Jake when he would simply quietly walk into the same room as me. This is a enought to startle me and possibly make me scream. I also have the most girly terrified scream ever(I feel this is out of character because I am not terribly girly). I am basically a giant bundle of nerves waiting to explode. In a life or death situation, such as the event of a zombie apocalypse I would hope that I could muster some courage and live but I find this highly unlikely. In every horror film I watch there is usually a catatonic girl unable to do anything to protect herself. I fell like there is a good possibility this would be me. Or else I would have a heart attack and die from fright in the beginning. I have one instance in my life that gives me hope that I might be able to fight a bit in the case that I am one day in a horror movie and here is that story: Once in probably grade 9 or 10 my lovely cousin Ashley and I were walking away from the park(which is coincidentally right beside a graveyard in that town) and I was for some reason thinking about werewolves(perhaps it was a full moon). Anyways as I was thinking about werewolves my cousin Ashley decides it would be funny to reach behind me and tap me on the opposite shoulder. I, thinking she is a werewolve or something else that might kill me, scream and turn around flailing in the direction of the shoulder tap. Ashley than proceeds to laugh at me and I try to resist fighting her anyways. In a horror movie I would definatly be the first to die...

whirlwind weekends..

I always feel like long weekends are going to be a productive time but they really never are. Friday my only class was cancelled so I was lucky enough to have a four day weekend. However instead of doing anything productive I drank and went out for a ridiculously drunken evening friday. I managed not to be too ridiculous until I departed for home then proceeded to ignore the firends who had accompanied me to my house. I then had to depart for a lovely 7 hour drive back to my parent's house,at 7 in the morning, aided by many gravol to ease my hangover. This lead me to my incoherent mumbling and saying random things state which was difficult to emerge from. This was followed by two days of jam pack family time and trying to catch up with many people in a short amount of time followed by another 7 hour journey back to my university town. So in short I did nothing productive at all, and I am not currently being productive right now. However in this short amount of time I did manage to consume many delicious thing including bbq, turkey, pie, ice cream cake and nachos which are all things that should be on my list of favorite foods. I am always super excited to see my family and it never feels like I get quite enough time at home. Altogether I had quite a good weekend but there was waaaaaayyy to much driving involved. My parents officially need to move closer because that drive just makes me a little crazy.

My ultimate Collection: Family

So I haven't been writing that much this week because I have been super busy with work and school because I am off this weekend for Thanksgiving. Also I possibly have something wrong with my appendix which is silly cause I practically never use it. I haven't eaten twigs or rocks in FOREVER! Anyways I am excited because I am going home after a long hiatus which allows me to see about half of my real family. Now there is nothing wrong with all my fake family: I love you fake parents, aunts, uncles cousin(?T-pain, I' m not sure whose child this makes you?)and sisters. However this got me thinking about how many people in my life I consider family that have no blood relation to me. There is quite a few so it got me thinking that I aquire family like other people alot like people collect other things. From the time I was born I had 4 older siblings not all completly blood related but still family. And from then on my family simply exploded. With the amount of step/halves in my family its actually silly that I keep adding family to my life such as by joining a sorority and making up family titles for my friends. I realize that I am incredibly lucky because of this but also something makes me think I might be a little messed because I feel the constant need for more family. Anyways I am excited to go home and see that part of my family but I will also be missing my other half that I won't see and will miss my fake family as well. Really I'm just hoping that nothing happens to my appendix that prevents me from drinking with my fake dad for the last time until like february..

Too busy to not procrstinate..

I hit this point every year, where I am suddenly like "Where did my good intentions go and how did I get so far behind already?" This year it might be happening sooner because of the job, which allows me almost no time to do the million hours of reading I need to do a week. I miss the days when I had a lovely*** job that allowed me all the free time in the world. However I coincidentally had this job at the only point in my life where I wasn't going to school.. It seems like such a waste now.I did however catch up on all the reader digest condensed books, romance novels and thrillers that I will ever need during this time so I figure it was still time well spent. However I must go finish preparing myself to go to school to write a test I began studying for at 11:30 last night..

***Not actually a lovely job but really call center work and dispatch. Both of which were really painful jobs actually. but they did allow me quite a bit of spare time for reading..

Rain, rain go away..

So it is raining again for what feels like the millionth time this year. Here are somethings I like concerning the rain:
1)When its super humid and the only thing that can get rid of the humidity is a great big rain storm
2)Swimming in the rain
3)Waking up to rain and being able to go back to sleep
4)Rain that melts away the snow and doesn't freeze into ice
5)Warm rain, when you aren't going someplace you need to be dry

The rain today doesn't fall into any of these categories. Todays rain I assume is going to be cold and I will be wet when I get to work. Plus I think with all the rain that we got in the summer should even out to a rain free fall. If only that was how things worked. Also and this is mostly a shoutout to my buddy t-pain aka The Plaid Guru, I have been watching old episodes of scrubs and have a new favorite quote "I like to use sex as an icebreaker."-Elliot Reid. I love scrubs but I found the newer ones were just playing up the jokes that they didn't need to exagerate as much as in the old ones and that they just recycled old material. I also found that about the later episodes of Friends. My most exciting new of the day is that once I get home from work my roomies should also be home or at least soon be home. YAY!

I can't write on fridays..

Seems to me that last friday I couldn't think of anything good to write either but since I am trying to prove a point I will carry on..Turns out the worst thing about being home alone is not the scaryness of it its really the boringness and lonelyness of it. I've actually only been alone this morning but for some reason I woke up much before I normally would so it feels like I've gone hours without talking to anyone, other than the cat and talking to the cat makes me feel mildly insane..so I started this in hope that once I began something enlightened would come to me but really I've got nothing. Happy friday!

I feel so abandoned, I feel so alone..

So my roomates are gone.. it feels quieter and more menacing here already. I also happened to have one of my least favorite dreams last night, where I live in a haunted house. Its always the same house so I hope that my countinual need to have this dream is actually going to help me recognized the house if I come upon it it. Then I will know DON'T LIVE THERE, this place is crazy haunted. So with the departure of the roomates I felt the need to type the title into something, really only to continue making fun of one of my roomates even once they are gone.

I think the zombies are going to get me..

So this weekend my fake parents are leaving me to go back to one of their hometown. I'm not sure how I feel about this, mainly terrified actually. I hate staying alone actually and can probably count the amount of time in my entire life I have actually been alone over night. I come from a ridiculously large family(the multi-divorce kind, not crazy religious kid) so I rarely, if ever spent the night alone before I went to university. I also come from a dog family so if my parents were gone I always had the knowledge that my dogs would protect me as well as the fact that I had someone else there with me. So now I am staying alone with only the kitty to protect me. And coincidentally tommorow I get to watch a super scary movie in International Horror Films tommorow. So I might be having an interesting aka terrifying weekend alone. Here is a list of things I could do to be a rebellious teenager since my parents are gone

1)Drink their alcohol and refill the bottle with water

2)Throw a party and hide the evidence

3)Steal the car and go for a joyride (A la Degrassi, both old school and new generation)

4)Invite boys over and let them in my room(possibly my parent's room)

5)Eat only junk food and stay up ridiculously late

However what will probably happen is I will hundle with the cat unable to sleep because of the fear of muderers and rapist..damn horror film class..

I am friggin hungry..

As many of my friends may have realized I can be quite an unpleasant person when I am hungry.. I get grumpy and defensive and generally this would indeed be the easiest time to pick a fight with me.. Since I am dying of starvation and don't want to fight with my aformentioned roomates one of whom is making a delicious meal of spaghetti and homemade meatballs I am writing here instead. Here is a list of my favorite foods.
1) Cake- all cakes basically but especially cheesecake
2)Pie
3)Steak
4)Candy
5)Berries
6)Fresh Peaches
7)Fetticini Alfredo
8)Mushrooms
9)Ice Cream
10)Barbecue chicken
11)Potatoes is pretty much any form
12)Fudgesicles (really any frozen treat)
Well Since this has helped nothing except to make me more hungry I am going to think of other ways to occupy my time until dinner, perhaps by taking a nap.

A shout out to my fake parents..

I love my real parents who have nurtured and cared for me my whole life..However being a university student I have "flown the nest" and with that seperation they have been parenting me alot less.. However I have discovered some lovely surrogates in the form of my roomates, a wonderful engaged couple. They treat me as most parents would; making me go to bed when they believe its a reasonable time, making me eat/drink things even when I don't want to and making sure I do my homework.. Although the bedtime is more like making me stay up until 5 in the morning listening to bagpipe music or watching greek and the food/drink I don't want might happen to shots or liver they are quite effective parents. Tonight I finished my french homework at their encourgement and they even manage to get me to get my driver's licence( something my actual parents did not accomplish). So this post is mainly to say that without these surrogate parents, I would be living a sad, hungry and much less fun life.

Things I should not be doing..

I should not be writing in my blog or watching Desperate Housewives both of which I am currently doing.. I have lots of reading in french, renaissance drama and medieval in the 20th century..also I have lots of reading for my classes the next couple of days as well.. Working with school as well as trying to have a social life has made me quite busy.. as well as my sweet procrastination skills.. I am to tired and distracted by tv to be remotely amusing.. I'm sorry t-pain.. tommorow at work might be a boring one..but I will try and write something more amusing than this quite soon..

What should have been a busy day..

Lat night I went to bed with the thought that I was going to have a ridiculously jam packed day. However this morning I woke up to discover that my class was cancelled and all my busyness was focused on my need to go to campus. So instead of having a busy day I am now have an unproductive semi-lazy day. So far me and W have made breakfest wraps/sandwiches and I'm now doing nothing on the internet. I should probably use this time productively and get caught up on reading but there are still some other things that I would like to do before I work at 5 after which I have a wine and cheese with my sorority ladies.. I certainly hope the rain will clear up before that and that tonight will be a lovely evening..I also hope that the reason my prof cancelled was because it was friday and it was raining out..because it would be great if that happenened every week..

Avoidance..

Because of awkwardness or perceived awkwardness avoidance is a large part of my life. This can occasionally be quite easy such as when the person you are avoiding is not someone you see in regualar life and then you can simply avoid facebook messages and msn. However when the person you are avoiding becomes part of your everyday life i.e classes avoiding can be quite tricky. Everytime I avoid someone or something I usually end up finally giving up eventually and confronting the problem or rather begin talking to the person and avoiding the issues still. This is usually not as bad as the stress avoiding someone daily can cause. I wish I could be one of those people who face confrontation head on and can openly air their issues. However I am usually more of a repressor with the occasional dramatic outburst. I also wish that I could stick to my guns more and if I have an issue not just push it to the wayside. This is the kind of person I would like to become rather than someone so complacent. Because complacency and avoidance don't resolve anything and usually hurt me more than anyone else.

Things that I do not like..

My most hated thing about university is those people in class that think they know everything about what is being taught and keep talking during class and even the prof is getting visibly irritated and yet they don't shutthefuckup as they should. If you are one of these people, here is what I have to say: Nobody cares that you repeat what the prof has just said, if you have an amusing annecdote to go along with the subject or that actually don't know wtf you are talking about. On a more pleasant note, my lovely friend t-mo finally updated her blog in apparent retaliation to my frequent updates..To you t-mo I don't always drink alone in my room while updating my blog, just when the alternative is attending a couples evening without being a part of a couple..haha I love you tho..Yay for updating blogs!..

In which I miss my family..

This is the beginning of the fifth year that I have live on my own. Not consecutively as there have been some stints in this period of time where I have lived at home. However my homesickness actually never goes away. Living away from your home comes with the realization that in your life there will always be people you are missing. I think this has been the saddest realization I made growing up. My life has always involved my family being in different places( being from a family of divorce and frequent moves) but it is something I never get used to. My ultimate dream is that everyone I love will one day all live close enough that it take two minutes to see anyone. This is clearly not realistic and even with that wish I feel as though its time to move on soon. Maybe this is just because I know school is ending soon but something inside of me is telling me that I'm done with this university town and that it is time to move on.

Who said I'm not domestic?

Well tonight I had my first experience with driving in about 4-5 years..It went ok minus the terrified noise I make anytime anything except straight roads happen..Frig I'm from small town N.S not from a semi regular city driving.. also backroads PEI so semi city driving= mainly terrifying.. So To get to the domestic part I am making banana muffins to get rid of the semi rotting bananas on top of our fridge.. I'm not sure how they will turn out but they smell pretty awesome so far.. I've decided theres nothing like beer and making muffins to calm a person down after terrifying driving experiences..Does drinking beer while making muffins make it not domestic? I guess we'll see once we eat said muffins..

Tools of Procrastination

I would consider myself a master of the art of procrastination. I really wish I could be one of those people who cold get things right away and therefore not have to worry the hour before something is due whether or not you will finish in time. Its a mystery to me why I do this.. but it just seems that I can't get motivated until the extreme last minute and sometimes after that. I have been known to see due dates as sort of fluid things and I often try and get away with passing things in weeks after they are due if the penalty is not that severe. This is not to say I'm not a good student, but I imagine that I would have much better grades if I did not willingly sacrifice marks to the gods of procrastination. I can procrastinate in many ways but I am mainly a fan of procrastinating with things that I deem as useful such as: calling home (this keeps me from being homesick), cleaning my room, taking a shower, reading for a different class, making list of things I need to accomplish, eating, and now writing in my blog(which proves the point that it is not hard to update your blog everyday). However one of my main tools of procrastination is completely useless: the evil facebook..also reruns of tv shows I have already watched.
However this year I want to turn over a new leaf. I don't believe I can completely cut procrastination out of my life but I am going to set what may seem like a small goal for myself but I imagine could make quite the difference: This year I will always pass my work in on time as well as I will keep up with my readings.

someday soon dementia will overtake me..

I am convinced that I have premature senior dementia. There are many signs of this in my everyday life.. Here are several examples:
1.Today I could not figure out how to plug my computer back to its cord after I had unplugged about an hour before.
2. I once looked for my toothbrush for like 10 minutes when it was actually in the toothbrush holder.
3. At work I try and do something I've already done disturbingly often. (I work a cashier at a hardware store so it is not that hard.)
And there are probably more examples but I can't remember them because I am going senile..

What is on my glasses?

After a lovely evening out with my friends, I am faced with a question I usually ask after drinking; How do I get my glasses as dirty as I do? This is sometimes easily answered but last night I managed to be a semi regular person while drinking so there are really no apparent reason why my glasses should be this dirty. One of life's mystery, I suppose. I have noticed lately that I hate the bars but never realize it until get out. Which is actually quite unfortunate. I did manage to barge off, one of my classic moves. Pretty uneventfull.

I love Naps

I love naps.. I have ever since high school when a slight iron deficiency made me need to sleep almost constantly.. A sample conversation with my mother from this often went like this:
Mom"I didn't even realize you were at home"
R- "I was asleep, but I was suppose to hang out with some people. Did anyone call?"
Mom- "Yeah but I told them you weren't here"
Anyways this love of sleep may have kept me out of some trouble. However depending on my level of iron I usually need much less sleep but napping was still something I loved to do whenever possible. I sometimes would rather get up early if it means an opportunity for a nice afternoon nap. My schedule this year is not very accomadating to napping but today I an opportunity arrose for a nice afternoon nap. However, horror of horrors I could not.. My ability to sleep in the afternoon seems to be gone. Which is a shame because naps often produce the most interesting dreams, which are always good for a story. While on the subject of things I love, here are some other things sleep related that I adore: My duvet, My sleeping pillow, really funny dreams, sleeping puppies, sleeping in, school cancellations that allow you to keep sleeping.. Things I hate about sleeping: people waking me up for ridiculous reasons (such as to tell me a funny dream, tell me in the morning once I am awake), alarms that don't go off, annoying beeping alarms, not being able to fall asleep, people who snore.. Well that is all for now as must soon go out to eat with one of my favs, T-Pain.

My "Official" Name..

As of recently quite a few of my close friends have blogs which I follow on a regular basis. This fact alone didn't inspire me to create a blog of my own, but rather the frequency of which some of them update their blogs. Apparently I am a hypocrite because I don't have a blog myself and don't understand. I hate to be a hypocrite.. Also I can't figure out how to comment on their blogs without having a blog of my own. So anyways for about a week now I've been considering stating a blog of my own, I simply wasn't sure of the angle I wanted to use on my blog. My initial instinct was to chronicle my single life and my secret hate for my friends in relationships but I'm not actually that bitter and I actually do love my couple friends.. However today an event occured and I realized that my blogging destiny might be to chronicle these type of things that seem to happen to me with frightening frequency. And so the story of how at twenty two I finally got my beginners, the first step in being allowed to drive a vehicle:

First off I actually have had my beginners before, about 5 years ago apparently. However I never felt confident enough to go to for the actual road test. This is a long and semi interesting story but really besides the point, except for the fact that once I went to univesity I allowed this begginers to expire and never gave it a second thought because during my time at university I never had much access to car. However this year I was presented with the opportunity to have a car for a bit and I was also faced with the realization that after university I might have a job where a car was necessary. So I went for my license and successfully passed the test. None of this is particularily ridiculous until I received my licensed and realized that they misspelled my name. So to sum up I now have a license that list my name as Roby M.! and I was to afraid of being a nuissanse to get it changed.. but I figure this is motivation to get an actual license so I can get them to change the stupid thing to my actual name. And maybe semi motivation to stop being a pushover..haha