Halloweekend

So I have this theory about Halloween. You know how everyone thinks New Years is all overrated, too much hype when its simply another night where you get drunk but there is added pressure and whatnot. I find New Years isn't usually like that for me because I have super low expectations so I generally have a better time than I expect.

Halloween is my New Years. I always think its going to be super awesome, but really its generally like every other night but with costumes. So I probably have to work on my expectations blah blah blah.

This year I found to be especially lame, perhaps because my holiday buddy wasn't here(TYLER I MISS YOU!). The Friday night sorority party was ok, but I was working the next day so I didn't drink and I left super early. I do think it was pretty fun tho, and there was excellent snacks and lots of fun picture taking. But I had strangely high hopes for Saturday.

I had invited the neck wrecker to go with me and he cancelled at the last minute because he had to get up early the next day(which is reasonable but for some reason sent me into a spiral of self doubt). Anyways I was disappointed, which I hate to admit. And I then proceeded to get shitty drunk but luckily managed not to do anything too stupid like text him but only mildly stupid. And I had a wicked bad hangover the next day.

My basic point is I probably have been obsessing about this boy too much and I really need to stop. I just need to focus on what's going on in my life(which is A LOT, I did my first paid film gig today :D). So I'm just going to let things unfold as the may and switch my obsessing to school and film related things. Cause I should be freaking out about this month but I haven't been so far.(I'm directing a short I wrote in like 2 weeks,super scary.)

This was rambly. And long. And probably not that coherent. But now y'all know what being in my head is like :).  Hypothesis here: If I get lower expectations of Halloween it will end up being better.

One of the MOST Awkward events that have ever happened to me.

So. This is a sex story. So skip it you aren't into such things.

So I would say I have been dating the neck wrecker for awhile now. We started sleeping together mid July, not sure when the actual dating began haha. Point being that we've been hanging out fairly frequently.

We are both weird and awkward. So that's good I guess. He actually said " I'm always thinking I'm weird but then I remember you're weird too." Which sums up how I generally feel as well.

Anyways. Awkward story.

My birth control has been being weird, as I just switched prescriptions. So I have been spotting. Which wasn't an issue during the week as the neck wrecker is working in Moncton. But the weekend comes along and the spotting had been stopped for a couple of days so I figured I was fine. So he came over and we hung out and what have you. And we had sex that night and then again in the morning and everything was fine. And were just laying around the next day and we've been talking about going to eat forever but we hadn't. It was a nice leisurely day. And we then realize that the roommates had left so we start to have sex again( I know it seems like a bit much but had been like a week). But then someone came back and we stopped having sex for a minute and I realize then that I HAD BLED EVERYWHERE. It was the worst thing ever(I'm not necessarily against period sex, but you want advance notice.) Anyways he was really cool about it and I was super awkward and apologized about a million times. Apparently we're even for the neck hickey thing now.

I have a theory living with a girl who isn't on birth control is overpowering my weak birth controlled hormones.

Because of this awfulness, but the not freaking out on his part has lead me to think he might actually be my boyfriend(I'm not quite ready to admit it Whitney haha).

WORST TIME EVER.

Life Update

This should be a novel because I never post and therefore the people who only read this were left on a bit of a cliff hanger.

-I haven't taken any drastic risks. Not my style I guess. I'm still trying to be braver though. Doing things even when they scare you is good. I just happen to be afraid of quite a few irrational things.

- The neck wrecker is still hanging around. He hasn't brutalized my neck since that first time, so that's good. He was also quite apologetic about the whole neck wrecking situation. So we've been hanging out for like 2 months. I don't really know if its going anywhere or what but I don't really care(Well maybe a little bit, but only cause my friends sort of freaked me out about it.)  Also the first guy I was talking about turned out to be a douche so the whole neck situation turned out to be a good preventative thing. Its weird how things work out like that sometimes.

- I moved! Its awesome. My new place is much quieter and generally safer feeling and just brighter and nicer in general. Although we have a mouse. I'm struggling between wanting to name it and wanting to kill it. What I'm really hoping is that is was just passing through and that it doesn't really live here. But I'm pretty sure there is a Sex and the City episode about how that is probably not true.

- School is on break! Am I ever relieve. With school and work and trying to have a social life I was getting quite busy. Even this week has been busy, although I am technically on break. Today is the first day I've really lazed around, but I'm doing other stuff in a bit so it won't be the whole day anyways. If you want to see my school endeavours check out our youtube page:http://www.youtube.com/user/SquigglyBirdFish . I make a fool of myself in more than one video.

- I'm going home next week, for my 2nd week of vacation. I find this very exciting because feeding myself and generally being a responsible poor student is hard. And I feel like baking but I don't really have a ton of baking supplies here. And I get to see my family! And my pets! So that's probably the best part.

Here are some pics of my new room(Surprise, Surprise it looks alot the same as my old room)

I would say this is the cleanest my room will ever be, but its about this clean right now because of the mouse. I didn't want it making a nest in the giant pile of clothes that is usually on my floor.

Risk

Via Pinterest(I'm not sure where turns out I didn't pin it I just save it to my Computer)

It was pointed out to me today that I'm not much of a risk taker. And while this shouldn't have come as a shock to me it did. Because I kind of thought I take a fair amount of risk. I mean I live in the ghetto pretty much. And I once moved to a new city all alone. That was risky. And I walk home at night by myself a fair amount(usually I run, but that is cause I am cray cray). On occasion I have stayed alone in a house. I go on rollercoasters.

But since I moved back to my University town to pursue my 2nd degree, I take basically no risks on a day to day basis. I'm a coward. I almost never speak up if its something that could potentially cause me to get hurt. I can't remember the last time I really made myself vulnerable to another person, that I didn't implicitly already trust, like my family. 

The sad part is I'm pretty sure I've always been this way, with a few exceptions. And that is a pretty sad thing. Even publishing this is the ballsiest thing I will have done in awhile. 

Coward. That sucks. Maybe its time to change.Because I'm sure I've read on pinterest or such that its worse to regret stuff you were too afraid of then to get hurt? Damn pinterest. Put that mirror away.

I am the WORST.

So I woke up on Graham st, with this monstrosity on my neck. And I'm going to a wedding tommorow. And to work. And generally out in public.And that boy that I kind of like? Well he has been away for two weeks and is getting back this weekend. And the person that wrecked my neck is one of his comedy friends. And I'm making a documentary that involves the neck wrecker. I have create one great big messy/awkward situation for myself.

Can I say I'm self sabatoging now?

I really have no idea why I did it. I blame the 75$ bar tab we won at trivia.

Definitely part of my mid 20s crisis.

Summer Vacay

Since I am a year round student(LAME), I only have a week of summer vacation but so far it has been pretty awesome. Here is what I've done so far:

1. I went on a artsy nature retreat thing. I felt unsure if this would be fun and almost skipped out on it. But it turned out to be pretty fun, even though it rained the entire time. The age range was from 14 to 25, with me being on the old end. But one of my good school friends went too and the guy we drove with ended up being super cool so it ended up being pretty fun. We stealth drank and went swimming in the rain. 


2. After the retreat(it was only a day and a night) we, Stefan(the school friend) and Dakota(the new driving friend) decided to go to hopewell rocks. It was pretty funny cause we were all like "Yes we just decided to go on vacation with strangers, its the best." And the rocks are pretty cool. I was fairly hungover and then I RAN INTO MY EX AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY. It was pretty weird actually cause what are the chances of that happening. And that is a slight exaggeration. I actually got a text from the ex being like "This may sound weird but are you at hopewell rocks?" to which I replied "Yes, are you?" and he was like "Yup I guess I'm can recognize you from behind." To which I made a joke about him following me. I kind of assumed he'd be there with friends too for some reason, and that we'd cross paths cause he was apparently behind me. I didn't while on the rocks so I thought I'd gotten away with not talking to him actually. And then we went to the gift shop where I spotted Him and his family from afar. And then I informed my friends we needed to leave haha. But even if they did see me, I was with two boys so I win probably.


3. I then went home! And hung out with my family! And went swimming in a waterfall! And bought some ugly ass steal toed shoes for my new job! 


4. We also had pancakes and bacon and regular cake for my up coming B-Day.


5. I decided I'm excited for turning 25. I think its going to be a good year.

Something New

So we went for a walk.
He brought his dog.
His dog peed on my floor.
Do y'all remember Camp Caribou? Cause I didn't.
I was awkward.
But he kissed me goodnight, and I'm still thinking about it.
And then my roommate proceeded to make fun of me for hours.


Also my semester is over and I am super pumped! Whoop whoop a week for summer vacay.(This is actually the worst.) Excited for the new semester, we're going to be making a web series Soap Opera. Should be awesome.

Now I must get back to watching Beauty and the Beast in the middle of the day, just because I can.

Weekend Fun

This weekend I let myself have a completely off weekend aka zero film stuff. Which was fantastic.(Minus the fact that now have many things to do this week. But I'm not freaking out.)

Friday I got to see my Best Buddy Jojo. Which I'm always happy about, cause I miss her like crazy! We went to a bachelorette which was also lots of fun cause I got to hang out with some lovely ladies I haven't seen much lately.

Since I got drunk on friday I was not planning on drinking saturday. But I was going to a comedy show that my roommate B was performing in, and one beer quickly spiralled into many beer.

So there is this comedian friend of B's that I always flirt with. He is kind of a dick but in a way that I find really hilarious if that makes any sense. Anyways another kind of friend, a friend I only hang out with in this particular environment, had previous slept with him so I felt kind of weird about the whole flirting thing. But then of course I got drunk, which lead to very flirty behaviour that I am embarrassed to write about.

So the whole drunken thing kicked in and I decided that I very rarely kind of like boys, and he seemed to also be into the whole flirting thing, so I did the terrible friend thing and made out with him, then took him home. NOT TO HAVE SEX. Which was different for me. Cause I was all like " I'm not having sex with you" and he was all like "ok" and then didn't push it at all! Which is weird, unexpected boy behaviour  I thought at least. So then we hung out till like 3 yesterday and it was all very fun. I think I might kind of like him.

BUT I FEEL SO BAD. I am never a bad friend(in the boy sense). The last time I went for a boy that my friend even kind of liked was in GRADE 10 WITH NIGEL. And I was with him forever so I stopped feeling bad about it. And that friend had just liked him. But I'm not that good of a friend with her. SO MUCH GUILT. And my only justification now is that I was drunk. TELL ME I'M NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON!

Persistance

To start this out honestly, I am a great big walking contradiction. This post will illustrate why.

So this guy I met at karaoke a couple weeks ago has been persistently texting me, wanting to hang out and such. But the more he texts me, and the more interested he seems in me, the more my dislike builds for this fellow. We are pretty compatible otherwise, as far as I can tell from text convos but I'm already feeling suffocated which I assume is a bad sign after a couple weeks.

I am not an independent person so I don't think that's the problem. (I know some people might disagree with this statement but I am all kinds of needy. Ask my Mom and my little Sister. I almost always need to be around people or animals.) I think what it is, is that I want everything to be difficult so when its not, I don't like it.

This has been a frequent trend in my life. As soon as a boy shows interest in me, I start to dislike them. I'm chalking it up to the fact that I am not in a place in my life where I think being in a relationship is feasible in the sense that I'm really focused on other things. But I think I'm actually romantically challenged. Or that maybe I just haven't met the right person? Or that I want to destroy things before I open myself up to getting hurt?

The thing is these boys are acting from what I can tell in a pretty normal way. The way I wished other boys would act.

Things just got a little to real there. Go back and look at the funny picture I found on pinterest. Or perhaps leave me some advice on how to cancel dates in a way that will make me look completely insane and makes this guy decide I am nuts and not want to date me?

MOVIES!

So as a film student I feel a certain amount of pressure that I should be watching movies all the time. But not regular movies, like classics or artsy movies. But the last couple of days I have not felt like it, and I'm between television shows right now(I almost always watch tv while I eat. I know I shouldn't but I do it anyways cause eating alone is sad and its hard to eat and read in my bed. Did I mention that we don't have a real table? Besides the point). However what I have felt like watching are all my favourite movies, especially ones I forgot were my favs. So here is a list with my anecdotal comments of the last 5 movies I've watched.

1.Empire Records: If you haven't seen this movie yet, watch it immediately. It has young Renee Zellwiger and Liv Tyler and it is awesome. Makes me want to quite school and work at a record store.

2.Welcome to the Dollhouse: I technically watched this for school. It was really weird but it remind me of several movies I want to re-watch such as Empire Records, Strike!(Does anyone have this? I couldn't find it on the internet, also don't judge me).

3.Stardust: This is one of the best fantasy/magical movies. Every time I watch it I love it more. I also always forget I love it but it is amazing. The author whose story it is based on Neil Gaiman is also amazing.

4.Chicago: This won best picture and is a musical. I love musicals but this one is one of my particular favs. I think I love every song in it. I also want to live in the 1920s.

5.Tangled: Classic Disney. Has awesome songs and Zachary Levi is the voice of the male lead. I LOVE him and the show Chuck. I actually cried through the whole last season. But Tangled is great.

I also recently watched The Vow, Captain America, Scanners and Hearts of Darkness(A doc about the making of apocalyse now). They were all also very good.

Drunk Sundays, Cause Mondays don't suck enough without a hangover

So last night we(Me, Michelle W., Tia and Tia's France French Roomate) decided to go to Karaoke night at a local bar. I'm not sure why this seemed like a good idea, but at the time it seemed like it would be lots of fun which it was. I guess its only today I'm regretting it because I'm tired and no feeling tiptop. I have two different tangents for this story though.

1. The Crazy Neighbour Tangent


So I recently discovered that I have more than one super creepy, terrifying neighbour. This new one is I'm pretty sure some kind of drug dealer plus cracked out on hard drugs. All day yesterday he was out on our lawn, and everytime I left my building he would "Hey Girl" me, hit on me, then immediately forget who I was. Hopefully this means he still doesn't remember me. Anyways, he was drinking so when we decided we were going out, I was like he is definitely going to be there because its the only bar open on Sunday. Tia thought I was being paranoid but the very first person we saw when we got there was this crazy guy. He immediately hey girled us again, and showed us a giant handful of bills all crumpled up. He was escorted out of the bar, within a half hour of us getting there. I'm terrified that in the summer he will frequently be sitting on the lawn. I will say again, I need to move.

2. The Regular Bar Tangent (In which I assume I make an ass of myself)

So for unknown reasons once we get to the bar I decide I want to make friends at the table beside us. I peer pressure the sober driver of the group into dancing with me, then proceed to try and talk to them for awhile. I say try because I never heard any of their responses. But apparently they thought I was semi amusing cause the sober guy I was harassing got my number.  I also think I made an ass out of myself because I got up and sang THREE TIMES. The only other time I have sang at karaoke was with Brendan singing summer nights. My sober friend also blatantly lied to me by saying I did well. I know I didn't(not in a self deprecating way) I hella cannot sing. Like at all. But over all it was quite the fun night.

End Of an Era

One of my Best Friends T-Pain(T-Raging if you will) is about to embark on a major adventure and is moving exactly a million miles away. I know its going to be awesome, but dear god am I ever going to miss you. I was going to get sappy and emotional, but I feel like that might not be our style aka straight up gangsta(Plus it is hard to put into words how important you've been in my life). University may be over, but I hope this is a friendship that will last way longer than that anyways. (Blog Peer Pressure/ You're stuck with me FOREVER)

The Most Old School Picture I could Find.(How are you more tanned than me?)

Canadian Weather

I've lived in Canada my entire life so I should know better. But every so often I ignore what the weather network has to say, and I dress how I feel should be appropriate judging from the previous days of the week. Today was one of those days. Although it said it was 2 degrees Celsius and rainy, I wisely decided I would be okay in a hoodie and my rain jacket which provides as much warmth as a paper bag. And then I got to stand outside filming for like 3 hours. The filming was fun minus the bone chilling cold I was experiencing. The next worst time for cold filming I've experienced was in minus 20 degree weather, when I decided to wear my fashionable boots instead of my warm boots. I came home and stood in the shower for like a half hour and then cranked the heat in my room.I just want it to be summer. SO. BAD. Also my class now has a youtube channel so everyone should subscribe to it: http://www.youtube.com/user/SquigglyBirdFish?ob=0&feature=results_main

I do youtube now

Want to see an instructional video I made for school(the answer is probably no)?

Here is the link:


Maybe you'll learn something?

Growing

Its at this point in University that I would have given up and said "Hey who cares if I'm going to get an 89 or a 79, thats barely a leter grade." But College has turned me into an over-achiever. I'm all like " Man I could get at 95, 85 is a crap mark." Either I'm growing as a human being, or I'm turning into a monster.

I'm not going to spell it out

Sometimes I'm not very smart.

200th Post

Flashback to my 100th post: I had just gotten my wisdom teeth out.

So as a special treat I thought I would talk about my teeth again.

As you may know from my previous post, today I went to the dentist. And I was excited to go, which is not normal dentist going behavior. The reason I was excited to go was because I haven't been in about 4 years(this is my conservative estimate, I actually have no idea). This mainly because dentists are expensive and also because I was never around Pictou where my dentist live. Excuses aside, its probably because I am a huge procrastinator/ use my money for impractical things.

I have had some persistant jaw pain which I thought was going to go away with my wisdom teeth but it didn't. And then I started to get scared that my teeth were actually rotting away, and therefore causing the pain.(I think about my teeth alot. Its a weird thing. I also brush/floss alot so this fear was kind of irrational).

So today when I went to the dentist I was expecting to have like 10 cavities and have to have half my teeth replaced with fake ones and alot of other awful dental work. But apparently my teeth are fine. Yay!Apparently all the brushing and flossing has paid off. Although he didn't really tell me what to do about my jaw.

This post is actually really long and pointless. Just be glad I didn't feel the need to tell you all about this in person.

March Break

This is what going to do over March Break:

Go to the Doctor.
Go to the Dentist.
Get my passport renewed.
Possibly get my haircut.
Watch 100 movies(exactly 100.
Hang out with my fam.
Read 100 books.


And I am SUPER PUMPED. (No sacasm at all, really. This is exactly what I want to do. Straight up. Although the longer I type this parantheses the more it sounds like sarcasm, but it really really isn't. I think this will be awesome :))

A brief description of the sucky parts of my apartment

1. My Neighbours are mainly psychopaths. The ones above me love domestic abuse, loud video games and looping dvd menus. The neighbours below us love yelling, verbally abusing anyone(including the mailman) and smoking in their apartment. The people beside us have a pretty nice dog so I forgive them for their crazyness.

2. Everything I own smells like cigarette smoke, even though neither I nor my roommate smoke. I blame the downstairs neighbour but it is possibly all the neighbours.

3. Our bathroom light has been broken for about a week and therefore only intermittently works. You don't know scary showers until you have had one where your bathroom light flickers constantly and leaves you in the dark 5 plus minutes on occasion. (This is made worse if you have seen the angel episodes of Doctor Who).

4. I think the downstairs neighbour might also be a murderer and we have a very flimsy lock on the front door.

5. I think it is going to be brutally hot in the summer. Also only two of the windows in the whole apartment have screens.

Basically I need to move.

The Taste of Nostalgia

Change.

I don't think anyone likes it. Well at least not all the time.

Today I had a London Fog from Coffee and Friends for the first time since I've moved back to my University Town. I used to go fairly often with my bff Jojo all the time 2 years ago and it was also a fairly regular part of my bus trips to school.

I don't know why this was my first one. I have been pretty poor and I now have a completely different routine than I used to. But I was instantly brought back to 2 years ago. In a sense, not much has changed. Its still tasted the same. I am still in the same city. I was even wearing the same winter jacket.

But in another sense everything has changed. New school, new roommate(I miss you Jojo!), a lot of new friends. And I'm older. Last year definitely changed me more than I realized.

But today, as I drank what used to be one of my favorite parts of trip to school, I let myself miss it.

I think the worst kind of change might be the kind that sneaks up on you and you don't even notice until its to late and its already impossible to go back.

Holla

Hey All

I haven't blogged much lately cause I am super busy with school. But here is some proof that I am legitimately doing school work. Kind of at least :)