My attempt to come to terms with the ridiculousness of my life..

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011


As I am currently in the middle of exams/final projects, I am getting especially excited for Christmas.

Something about last year felt wrong without having something to procrastinate right before the holidays.

I am also very excited to see my Mom, who has been away for the majority of last year.

Most years I have some sort of wish list going on, but this year all I really want is to be at home(not that I'm discouraging presents obviously).

Here are some things I am super excited for:

1. Baking a million delicious Christmas treats. And eating them.

2. Decorating the Christmas tree. And by this I mean, complaining that I have the least Christmas Ornaments to bug my Mom, take my yearly Christmas picture with my dog Brunoe dressed as the grinch dog and trying not to explode glasses of eggnog(my magical power).

3. Hanging out with my little sister. We have lots of fun watching seasons of stuff and bugging my mom at christmas. Last year we discovered the hilarity of telling her she was" ruining christmas" every time she did something. Which sounds meaner than it is. Cause she just ignores it. And its always about silly things like she told us to move out of her way, or that we have to let the dogs out or such.

4. Seeing the rest of my Family. Cause no big deal, but I have the best family ever. Be jealous.

5. Playing board games. My family is also super competitive. Its all in good fun, except when you sit next to my ma, who has a bad habit of hitting when she is losing.(This also sounds more violent than it is, although it does hurt.)

And now for one of the best Christmas songs:

Thursday, December 8, 2011


I've been thinking recently about how I'm not very real on my blog. Personally, I hate those blogs that only seem to to document the happy moments in their lives and nothing else. Because obviously that not the only thing in their lives. And then I realized horrors of horrors, that that's mainly what I do here. So I thought I'd share something that, if you've been drinking with me lately, is part of the reason I've been sad. I've also been ridic homesick but I think that's just because I'm such a home person and I hadn't lived at home for a long time. So I got used to it.

I just want to say that as a general rule I don't get sad about boys. Boys are often transitory in my life, which sounds worse than I mean. But almost no boy has really ever had a hold on my heart. Only really one boy. All the rest could just be described as friends and sometimes as less than that.

I met him when I was 11 years old. We were pretty much friends from the start. When I was 13 and he was 14 we went to our grade 8 Semi-Formal. Technically I asked him(aka my sister sat on me, while her best friend asked him on msn). He later told me he hadn't ever thought of me that way, but after a bunch of girls having asked him, I was the only one he had wanted to go with.

We started dating when we were 15. By dating I mean we would go for walks or watch movies and dance together at dances. Our first "date" we watched " My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Over a month in we had our first kiss(both of our actual first kisses) while watching the movie "The Transporters". We dated for 5 months and then we broke up because I was moving several provinces away and we were both 16. I think we both thought that's all it was ever going to be.

I moved back after a year but he was dating someone else. Typical me, I got drunk and told him that I had loved him that whole year but now I was over him(because I was drunk making out with someone else..also typical me). He contacted me later that week and told me "He would never feel what he felt about me about any other girl". So we got back together. Five months later we had sex(the first time for both of us.)We dated until the end of the school year, when I broke up with him, because we were both going to university and because high school relationships never last.

We both went to the same university(My logic was perhaps a little bit ridiculous) and we saw each other all the time. This made it impossible for me to get over him and so I pressured him to get back together. Around Halloween he had his first one night stand and regretted it completely. He didn't want to be that kind of guy I guess. My paternal grandmother had died around the same time and so we both reached out for each other. We stayed together that time for a little over a year. I went to lifeguard at camp in Ontario that summer and ended up getting drunk and making out with someone else but he forgave me. I unfortunately couldn't forgive myself and that was ultimately the catalyst of our breakup.

I then took a semester off and went and lived with my father in Charlottetown PEI. I had a casual relationship with a man 7 years older than me, who was a douche and exactly what I needed to move on. Or so I thought. When I returned to school I immediately fell back into old habits. I would sleep at his house all the time, but he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. I was hanging out with his roommates and he brought a girl home from a pubcrawl. I thought this betrayal was it for me. I left that night and vowed not to come back. But over Christmas he decided he missed me and when we returned to school in January we sort of fell back together. Around this time my maternal grandfather died and I needed to lean on him all the time.

We stayed together for about 10 months that time but when we returned there was alot of distance between us. I felt he didn't put any effort into the relationship and that I was the one doing everything. So I broke it off. I then began what I refer to as my months of being a slut. We spent New Years together that year for the first time ever. I missed him but I didn't think he had changed. I thought he would always chose other things over me. He started seeing a new girl after that and I decided(selfishly I know) I now wanted him back. So I told him to chose me over her. And he didn't.

They broke up in April and he got back in contact with me after several months of silence. We randomly hooked up for a couple of months. That summer he asked me where I thought we were going. I said I didn't know. He said he thought I was the girl he was going to marry.

We kept hooking up and I thought we were on the verge of getting back together. He then stopped everything, and decided he just wanted to be friends. I was never sure why. A month or two later he told me he was dating his roommate and I assumed that was why but I don't really know.

So we stopped talking. I would ocassionally get drunk and call him to hear his voice and then hang up. Not my proudest moments. Almost a year later I deleted him of facebook. I was convinced I was getting over him. He then messaged me , so I re-added him and we messaged back and forth. He wanted to be friends. This went on and sometimes when I would visit my old university town(I had moved away, hence the getting over him kind of) I would visit him, as friends.

When I moved back to my university town this fall, I drunken texted him and told him I lived across the street from where he used to live. A week or two later he invited me for coffee. We hung out for a couple hours. Later that week I texted him at 2 in the morning to invite him to a party(not a proud moment either). He convinced me to go sleep at his house "innocently" as he put it. It wasn't innocent though. And these sleepovers have continued for 2 months now.

I know its stupid but I just miss him and all the things he represents to me. It is always just easy with us, in the not relationship way but personality way. I think we might be sickly compatible and I only realized it after I was never that compatible with anyone else. But I don't know what any of this means to him, and I'm to much of a wuss to ask him. And I now only see him when I'm drinking which I think is a bad time to talk about feelings. Plus I'm scared he will tell me it doesn't mean anything. Something about him just makes me fall apart, inside out, to the point that I cry at parties. And I don't cry normally.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

My whole life I thought the line was "Waiting on a lion".

I heard it on the radio the other day and realized its " Waiting on a line".

I think I may have to re-evaluate my whole idea of romance.

Monday, November 21, 2011

TV Shows

I must admit I watch a lot of television. I would like to work in television or film so that's kind of an excuse. Also when I was living in exile aka with my parents I watch a whole bunch of television series. This didn't seem like much of a problem until I started trying to keep up with them when the series started new seasons this fall. Then it quickly became overwhelming, so I came with a plan. This was not to watch any new shows until Christmas when I could watch them all in a row instead of trying to watch like 20 shows on a weekly basis. This was working until people started talking about these shows in front of me, so I've caved on several of my favs. I have since vowed to only start watching shows after they've been cancelled so there is no pressure. Because Nathalie asked for it, here is a list of all the shows that are still making new episodes that I watch:
Breaking Bad
It's always Sunny in Philadelphia
The Office
Modern Family
Mad Men
Boardwalk Empire
Parks and Recreation
The Walking Dead
How I met your Mother
The Big Bang Theory
30 Rock
True Blood( I'm actually still a full season behind on this one)
Bored to Death
Pretty Little Liars( This is actually really stupid and I don't know why I watch it)
Gossip Girl

I thinks thats it, but I might be forgetting some. If I am I'm going to take it as a sign I should give up on it. Also just for funsies here is a list of shows I would like to watch cause I heard they're good:
Game of Thrones
The Wire
American Horror Story
Once Upon a Time( I've actually heard nothing about this but it looked good)
New Girl
Breakout Kings
Sons of Anarchy
Venture Brothers
Veronica Mars
Six Feet Under
Battlestar Galactica
Doctor Who
The Tudors( I want to finish watching this, cause I've watched the first season)

So basically I must become a hermit.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


I will say this first: I am a terrible sleeper. I need conditions to be exactly right; no noise or light and I have to be legit tired. Sometimes all thats isn't even enough.

Now for the ranty part: I hate my upstairs neighbours. I think their living room must be above my bedroom or they just have a tv in their bedroom. But my point is that they listen(presumably watch as well) this tv incredibly loud all night. Last night it was on until like 3am. Also they often put in dvds and leave it on the menu screen so I hear it loop all night.

This might not be so bad if I had the balls to go upstairs and be like " Hey could you turn down your tv a bit, maybe stop stomping so much" but I won't. I am bad at confrontation.

So here are my options as I see it:

1. Leave them an anonymous note.

2. Destroy their fuse box (They are all in the basement).

3. Start drinking every night so I can pass out.

4. Only sleep during the day (They don't seem to be home then).

5. Murder them and hope that noisier neighbours don't move in. Or that jail is quieter than my apartment currently is.

6. Learn to sleep like a regular person(this seems unlikely, cause I don't not sleep on purpose).

7. Get earplugs.(This is irrational but I'm scared if I did I might not be able to hear a murderer or like some other kind of emergency).

8. Move my bed into the living room.

Any confrontation free suggestions?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Moving, Cause pics describe it best..

My little sister made me throw out a whole bunch of stuff.

Moving makes a huge mess(cause normally I am super tidy..not at all)

Found this gem when I was getting rid of stuff :)

Delaney made me throw out these perfectly good flats.

She is vicious when she wants to be.

The new Place

We don't have much furniture so I only took pics of my room.

I guess I'm pretty much settled in (I always get ridic homesick). My roommates b-day was yesterday and I realized to have people over furniture is kind of necessary. The apartment is pretty ghetto, but I'm getting used to it.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Posting Syndrome

My Mom tells me I have what in the military is called Posting Syndrome. Which means quite simply because you got posted to another location you stop giving a shit about your current position.

For those of you who don't know I am going back to school October 3 and moving back to Fredericton. I am WAY TOO EXCITED. Which makes the fact that I have to work until the 30th especially sucky.

I am bad a focusing on a regular day but I have gotten exponentially worse. (If anyone knows any awesome internet time wasters let me know, I end up reading the news alot for some reason.)

I hate complaining about being bored, which is why I haven't blogged alot in the past year. Maybe once I start having a life again I'll get back into it.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Space time Continuum

Ever have one of those days where the time between when you wake up and when you alarm goes off seem interminable? Even though you first checked a 6:30am and your alarm goes off at 7am? Three hours could have passed but it was merely a matter of minutes in real time.

I assume this means the space time continuum is broken. And it has been happening all day. Which is passing really slowly since its now only 9:54am. It feels like I've been awake FOREVER.

And what makes this lapse in the space time continuum worse is that I am leaving for England friday.(Which makes my life generally better, but I am too excited for time not to be passing quickly).

I'm scared this breach in time will last until Friday and it will seem like several months have gone by instead of days.

Seriously. Only 9:57am.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Theme Songs

You know that song that you wished played when you walked into a room? This is now mine:

That way people would know not to mess with me.

(One of the head people at another company made me cry on the phone today. And the sucky thing is once I start crying I can't stop. I guess that is what happens when you keep your emotions all pent up)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

For T-Pain

Have you seen this epic Paul Rudd moment?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

24, Here I Come.

Tommorow is my Birthday. In an attempt find out if I blogged about my birthday last year, I went back and read a bunch of old posts. Which made me introspective about the year that has just passed.

I have changed alot. I've learned alot, especially about myself. I think I've grown up alot. And I'm ready for an age that I once considered ridiculously old.

Ever think back to when you were like 12 and had all these ridiculous impossible dreams that you had to do by the time you were like 18? That was me for sure.But I like to think I still have big dreams, but to get done by the time I'm like 30.

This might be too much introspection, because I'm at work (I haven't grown up too much haha).

Anyways, I'm excited to be rid of 23, which was good and bad in alot of different ways. I am definitely not ready for 25, but I have some time to get ready for it.

I think this year is going to be good. :)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Its my new tv obsession. It has been taking me awhile to watch cause my eyes have been hurting alot lately(stupid computer screens). The Fourth season is dark. No spoilers though. I LOVE THIS SONG:

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I have relearned the meaning of weekend.

Its been a long time since I've had a job or even school that required me to work 8-5 5 days a week. Therefore its been awhile since the weekend has been strictly defined.

I am still unsure of how I feel about it. Its nice to have something to look forward to during the week, but it was also nice having sleep in days in the middle of the week. So I'm on the fence.

Shoutout to my mom on Mother's Day! She does not read my blog but thats mainly because I don't let her. Anyways I am lucky to have such a kick ass Mom and I try to always appreciate her.

Also shoutout to my fake mom Jojo. This tour is not going to be the same without you to fill in for my real mom. I miss you :)

I feel like I should find something funny to put at the end of this but I am too lazy.Sorry.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Just in case.

If anyone was worried, I have not been fired. I appear to be able to do my new job, so far at least. Also everyone who works there is super nice, which is an exceptional change from my last job. And I'm excited because the new job will enable me to do the thing I want this summer (Unless I want to do things on weekdays). You still down for camping T-pain?! :)

Lesson learned: Things tend to be much worse in my head.I think I should already know this because of my many irrational fears but really you never know when something terrible is going to happen to make those fears be true.(That sounded much more depressing than I wanted it too. Ooops..)

Anyways this has been rambly. And I am sleepy. So far the worst part about the job is the 7am wake up time. After many months of waking up a like noon I was unprepared but I think next week will be better once I get on schedule. Nigggghhhhttt

Monday, May 2, 2011


Tommorow I am starting my first legit grown up job. Up to this point I've only worked retail, waitressed or lifeguarded(Which can be legit career choices, no offence meant.) I guess I also worked at a call center..and at a dispatch but thats it. I guess I've had alot of jobs. What I really mean by first grown up job I guess is the first job I feel very unqualified for. I was actually interviewed for a customer service job but after I offhand mentioned I could use excel they decided that I should be interviewed for a contract clerk position instead. And I barely use excel. This is how the interview went:

Me: I can use excel.
Interview lady: Oh thats wonderful we should give you this much harder job.
Me: Well I can only do they basics really, I help my Stepdad do budgets for his company. But usually if I don't know how to do something I can figure it out.
Lady: You are hired (slight exageration)

So I'm scared they are going to realized I'm a fraud and fire me.I don't think I exagerated my abilities but they made it seem much harder than what I know how to do. But I am excited not to have to wear a uniform and that I get to dress business casual. Hopefully they have some random video editing to do or an essay to write because that is where my real expertise lies.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

"Your always safe with me. I'm an excellent screamer."

So I'm pretty addicted to the office. I used to hate it but now that I've watched it all in a row I realize that I was mistaken.

Fav part ever:(At least one of them)

Saturday, April 9, 2011


I'm pretty sure I'm dying. And I realized no one in the blog world would know because I am such a crappy blogger as of late. So here it is: I'm pretty sure I caught the plague from the dirtiest bathroom floor of life. And by plague I mean I have a ridiculous cough. The kind that makes other people stare/cringe at you. I'm pretty sure my step-dad/extreme germaphobe is avoiding me.

So if I never blog again assume I'm dead.

Actually that is probably a bad plan. Because I'm almost certain I'm being melodramatic. Except about the bathroom floor. It was sick and I definitely had skin on floor contact.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Never exercising again

I accidentally took my dog on an 11 k walk today. It made my hip hurt. And probably supremely heightened his walk expectations. Which will probably make him look at me all pathetic like and follow me around. My conclusion is: exercise blows.

You try having this pathetic face follow you around all day.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

So I haven't blogged in awhile. Mainly because I'm lame. Actually all because I'm lame haha. But I'm going to start trying again. Maybe. If I get sufficient motivation that is.

The main reason I was inspired to write requires me to make a confession. I am an illegal downloader. Mainly because I'm poor but also partially because I don't like to leave my house. Don't judge me.

So whats with the ads on torrent pages? Do people really click on ads for busty russians? Are men downloading things really distracted by the possibility of meeting random internet brides who seemingly don't age, because the ads have been the same for years? Seems directed at weird lonely downloaders I guess.

Also Facebook managed to insult me as well with their ads the other day. Apparently because I have no relationship status on facebook and am a 23 year old female I should give single dads a chance. Apparently there is a website specifically for meeting single dads which women without children are free to join. I don't have a problem with single dads, I just think its stupid that this and ads for shoes are the only ones directed at me.

On a happier note I am super pumped for the Oscars(which is probably directly related to me being a weird downloader). I've watched all the nominations for best picture except for one which I cannot find. And the oscars are more fun when you've seen more than one of the movies.

So this has been rambly, hopefully it will tide you over if I do not get motivated to write more.

Monday, January 17, 2011

I miss Rush

A thought for my lovely sorority ladies during one of my fav times of year. :)

"She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman...can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch, his piece de resistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill...
A woman at rest, a woman comfortable in her feminine enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence you heart stops holding its breath. You relax and believe once again that all will be well. And this is also why a woman who is striving is so disturbing...'Like a fountain trouble,' as Shakespear said, 'muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty.'
Beauty is a quality of the soul that expresses itself in the visible world. You can see it, You can touch it. You are drawn to it...It's essence, says Thomas Aquinas, is its 'luminosity.' It is bound up with the immortal. Beauty flows from a heart that is alive.
And unveiling beauty is our greatest expression of love, because it is what the world most needs from us. When we choose not to hide, when we choose to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love.
There is something uniquely magnificent and powerful about a woman...There is a radiance in your heart that the world desperately needs." - John and Stasi Eldredge, from Captivating

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Operation capture stray kitty:

I may not have mentioned this before but I live pretty much in the boonies. Its on the outskirts of a tiny town, but basically its in the country. And because of this (kind of, its not exactly related) we have a large abandoned garage beside us. Many stray cats live there. I imagine its pretty much like this scene from the aristocats over there:

However most of these cats are hardened vetrans of cold winters and living of mice and such. But amongst these scary feral looking cats there is one adorable, tiny, fluffy kitten that I suspect can't survive the winter. So my mom and I have developed a plan to catch the kitty, which involves stalking it, and leaving it food and a make shift shelter. It have so far evaded me though, although its so little and fluffy it doesn't really look that fast.

Apparently I'm not allowed to keep it because we have two cats and two dogs but I'd like to catch it and take it to the SPCA so that someone can take care of it. I'm sure it would be very lovable.