My attempt to come to terms with the ridiculousness of my life..

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"These are hard times for dreamers"

Today I happened upon my absolute favorite movie Le Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain. I actually first saw this movie on this same channel-IFC back in grade 11, so like 6 years ago. I loved it so much I even cut my hair to look like Amelie's, which was not necessarily the best look for me. I love it because it makes me want to be both more and less like the main character Amelie. More like her in the helping people way but less like her in the introverted, live in your head kind of way.Anyways if you haven't seen it you should because it instantly always makes me feel better about life. It does have subtitles, which alot of people don't like but some of the best movies I have ever seen are subtitled. Here are some pics and awesome quotes that make me love this movie:

"Nino is late. Amelie can only see two explanations.
1 - he didn't get the photo.
2 - before he could assemble it, a gang of bank robbers took him hostage. The cops gave chase. They got away... but he caused a crash. When he came to, he'd lost his memory. An ex-con picked him up, mistook him for a fugitive, and shipped him to Istanbul. There he met some Afghan raiders who too him to steal some Russian warheads. But their truck hit a mine in Tajikistan. He survived, took to the hills, and became a Mujaheddin. Amelie refuses to get upset for a guy who'll eat borscht all his life in a hat like a tea cozy." My exact perspective on most boys.

"Any normal girl would call the number, meet him, return the album and see if her dream is viable. It's called a reality check. The last thing Amélie wants." Things in my head are usually a million times better.

"You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?"

"It's better to help people than garden gnomes."

Random thought..

I rarely talk about my love life on here, but thats because thats the type of girl I am. I keep my feelings on the inside where I believe they belong. Whenever I see those sappy facebook type status about love and such I usually fake vomit to myself.(no offence to anyone here, I'm not saying my way is better by any means its just how I roll)I generally am attracted to assholey type guys but I somehow attract these super nice, sweet, genuine guys who just want to tell me about their feelings and let me stomp all over their hearts...and not just once they let me stomp repetedly. Not that I mean to at all, I usually just perceive us as just being friends but somehow they get the wrong idea. I think this has to do with my supposed ability to flirt without realizing it, seriously thats just how I am. I'm also not sure to stop these things from happening..Should I just not be friends with boys? Cause that seems like a shoddy options but at the same time I hate hurting anyone I consider to be a friend let alone a good friend. Also the title of this post is a lie because it is not a random thought but rather something that has happened to me twice this week, which makes me feel especially shitty. This song only semi relates but it reminds me of this kind of situations:

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Reasons why being alone sucks:

1. I hear noises from the other apartments around me and think they are coming from inside my apartment.
2. A painting fell off the wall, scaring the shit out of me.
3. I keep thinking I see the cat or hear her bell but then it is actually nothing
4. Sometimes I don't chew my food enough and end up choking, which is scarier when I am alone.
5. I have no one to talk to in person.

home alone..

I can't quite figure out how I'm feeling tonight, except for tired. I've just gotten back from visiting home for Christmas and its nice to be back. But at the same time I already miss my family and I am bored and lonely. I keep thinking I see the cat but she is currently with jojo in her hometown. Since I promised a pic of my hair cut, here it is:

This is also proof that I can make regular shaped cupcakes/muffins.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Proof of my somewhat domesticity

I'm not claiming I'm the next Martha Stewart. In fact most things I make don't look particularily appetizing. However they almost always taste good so I figure that counts waaaayyy more than looks. This isn't cake boss for sure but I try dammit and my family at least seems to enjoy it.
Here is a pictorial display of my adventures in cooking.
Turns out we have a convection oven, which does not make cupcakes rise in the same way that a regular oven does. At least that what I'm blaming it on, and really I have never made or seen cupcakes that have ever turned out anything like this. Here is a particularily funny one:

Here they are once they are finished and iced. They have chocolate icing and then fluff on them because I am currently addicted to smores things right now but I didn't like how they turned out. The chocolate icing over powered the fluff too much, not making it marshmellowy enough. Next time I am going to put just fluff then like a dab of chocolate syryp on top.

Here is my little Sister pretending to help me in my baking adventures but in fact D. was carefully planning what she is going to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse...and talking to boys. She did grease the pans but I suspect I could have done it faster.

Here are some chocolate cream pie and the chocolate chip cookies I made.. I once again blame the convection oven for the appearance of the cookies but really I probably put to much dough on the pan..


I rarely get the motivation to bake but when that motivation does indeed strike I usually end up making several things. The one thing I didn't make that I usually do when I'm on a baking streak is apple muffins but I'm thinking I'll save that for christmas morning. Also if you look closely you may notice that I did indeed get my hair cut but I guess how much I got cut is still shrouded in mystery.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

little sister torture time..

So today is the first day I've actually made home in my journey to visit all my family..I've concluded that my family needs to all collaborate and move withing 5 minutes of each other but that is besides the point. To celebrate being home I decided to harrass my little sister who is someone who likes to sleep late.. When simply steamrollering her and stealing all her pillows and blankets didn't work I began with my most powerful psychological torture this song:

When that didn't work I thought for awhile of something even more annoying and then it occured to me, THE WHALE SONG and I hoped and prayed it would be on youtube.. and it was:

but apparently her resistance to being awake is strong and she resisted.. I am now playing them both at the same time which is hurting my head so I think I'm going to have to resort to jumping on her again.. there really is no way she is actually sleeping tho. I do it all out of love..
Other than that my plans for the day are pretty chill..I guess I am going shopping for my own christmas presents because my mom is away and I'm getting my hair cut which I am pretty pumped about..

Saturday, December 19, 2009


wake up ridiculously too early- check
call in sick to work- check
hope noone from work reads my blog- check
activate facebook and msn for blackberry- check
pack enough underwear for a month- check
create sweet new playlist on my ipod- check
packed vodka-check
am wearing semi regular clothing- check

looks like I'm ready for home

Friday, December 18, 2009

Things I want right now..

1. Some awesome driving songs for my ipod, or just awesome new to me songs.. I'm getting tired of everything on it right now, to many bus trips lately. Also the thing about my ipod is I find deleting songs as hard as throwing out clothes..cause I might want them someday or I used to love them. (If anyone is going to make suggestions don't make ones that are christmas music, if you are wondering why please refer to my previous rant on christmas music)
2. A new profile picture for facebook, one where I look semi normal. I'm getting scared that potential grad schools or employers may creep my facebook in order to tell if I am a good studious person. I suspect the picture of me looking like a crazy homeless person does not necessarily give off that impression.
3. To be home!! I am ready for some time away from freddy, to see everyone I haven't seen in forever and to have some good family time. Also I am looking forward to having some completely free time as well as a stocked up fridge. I haven't been home for more than two or three days since last christmas so it should be sweeeet.
4. A new haircut. My long hair is driving me insane. It gets in my clothes, in my sheets, in my food. It itches me, it tickles me, it gets in my mouth. It drives jo jo insane as well, clogs the tub and the vacumn cleaner. Basically it has got to go. I am also open to suggestions about what I should do with it, I'm thinking something drastically different.
5. Pants lined with flannel. Once a million years ago a friend's boyfriend showed me his pants were lined with flannel and I have since dream of owning a pair like that. I don't think they make girl pants like that but it would be sweet, especially since it has been frigging ridiculously stupid cold out the past couple of days.This one is just a general thing I always want but I figured 4 was a silly number to end on.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

This is the end..

Today will mark the official end to my undergrad, as long as I hypothetically pass all my classes. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I am one part ecstatic and many parts nervous and freaked out. But its a good feeling I guess, I mean this has been something I've been working towards for quite some time. I feel like today should be more than its going to be..that is today is going to be a completely regular in the morning then work this evening..Maybe thats a sign of new found maturity cause normally this would be an occasion for getting trashed.

Friday, December 11, 2009

This is all for you T-pain..

So I'm writing an essay today for my renaissance drama class when sudenly I realize I am writing about the original Edward and Bella relationship. That right, the relationship of Edward II and Queen Isabella. Coincidentally this relationship seemingly has many similiarities. Edward is a homosexual who completely alienates his Queen Isabella to the point that she begins an affair with another man (Mortimer in this, but I'm sure they needed a newer hipper name for twilight, hence Jacob) eventually each of these characters end up dead or imprisioned, which I can only hope is what happened in Twilight. Edward coincidentally goes by way of hot poker up the ass, something I think would hurt that vampire mothafucka..Anyways slight digression from my homework that was coincidentally due days ago..

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

At least give me some credit..

I know that its sometimes hard not to judge people especially when they aren't necessarily being their best selves and this is your first impression of this person or even your second. But you know me and I would hope that people would realize that I am not that much of a shitshow or that stupid that I would get in a car with a drunk driver. The person in question was my guest, who I brought, and with whom I had been with for the majority of the night. I know for a fact that while he was with me for a span of about 4 hours, he had 3 beer which in a person his size does not make someone drunk. I would know because in that span a time I also had 3 drinks and was barely feeling it. Also the slide into the curb was in fact the result of careful driving on slippery roads on summer tires where the result of reckless driving would probably have been flipping the car or wrapping it around the phone pole that was also in front of us. I'm glad you all feel the need to judge someone I brought when I have done nothing but try and be friendly no matter who was brought around. I'm also glad that you have that much faith in me that you think I would go with someone possing a danger not only to myself but also to others.Thanks.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Fuck Feelings..

I hate feelings. I like to ball mine up and shove them down into the pit of my stomach where they generally cause me no pain..except occasionally every feeling I have comes bubbling up to the surface and I sit on the bus hoping that I am not going to start crying into the London Fog that was supposed to make me feel better but that is actually just hurting my stomach cause thats where the feelings are exploding from. This is a ridiculous phenomenon that happens to me. True story: I get put in the drunk tank and proceed to cry for three hours about everything that has happened in my life for about a year. This is probably one of those "unhealthy" things I do but really I hate expressing emotions..especially in front of people I know.. at least in the drunk tank or the bus I am an anonymous crazy girl, rather than the crazy girl you know all to well. I like being the girl who can laugh things off or who is practically a "man" because of her lack of feelings and my ability to drink like a champ. I don't ever want to be the crazy girl who can't stop crying in a ball in the drunk tank. But really somedays thats closer to who I am. I'm not sure where I'm going with except this: It was truly lovely to have a blog for this short period of time.. I think I have adaquetely proved my point about how easy it is to write in a blog everyday. However I think I'm done with it because really I censor myself to much so much that my other original point, coming to terms with my life, has become null and void. I am proving nothing here except continuing my fear of letting people see who I actually am. Therefore I think I'm done.Later homes, its been real.