Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I hate feelings. I like to ball mine up and shove them down into the pit of my stomach where they generally cause me no pain..except occasionally every feeling I have comes bubbling up to the surface and I sit on the bus hoping that I am not going to start crying into the London Fog that was supposed to make me feel better but that is actually just hurting my stomach cause thats where the feelings are exploding from. This is a ridiculous phenomenon that happens to me. True story: I get put in the drunk tank and proceed to cry for three hours about everything that has happened in my life for about a year. This is probably one of those "unhealthy" things I do but really I hate expressing emotions..especially in front of people I know.. at least in the drunk tank or the bus I am an anonymous crazy girl, rather than the crazy girl you know all to well. I like being the girl who can laugh things off or who is practically a "man" because of her lack of feelings and my ability to drink like a champ. I don't ever want to be the crazy girl who can't stop crying in a ball in the drunk tank. But really somedays thats closer to who I am. I'm not sure where I'm going with except this: It was truly lovely to have a blog for this short period of time.. I think I have adaquetely proved my point about how easy it is to write in a blog everyday. However I think I'm done with it because really I censor myself to much so much that my other original point, coming to terms with my life, has become null and void. I am proving nothing here except continuing my fear of letting people see who I actually am. Therefore I think I'm done.Later homes, its been real.