My attempt to come to terms with the ridiculousness of my life..

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I can't decide if I am an optimist or if I'm just dumb..

I was thinking about it, and I do not learn lessons well. There are numerous occasions in my life I repeated the same dumb behavior, convinced that it could only be better the second time. Examples:
1. The forefront example in my mind is my experiences with drinking wine. The first time I drank wine in any considerable amount I ended up losing my 300$ dolce and gabbana glasses in a graveyard, alone in the middle of the night. I then vowed never to drink wine ever again. Then this summer came around I was like, things can't possible be that bad again so I proceeded to drink wine. I then ended up in the drunk tank. Once again I vowed never to drink wine again. I have stuck to this so far but it has crossed my minds at times that I would probably be ok to drink some wine, which is clearly a stupid idea.

2.My fromer relationship with N. I constantly thought he would change and let him back in my life after numerous times vowing that this would be the last time I would ever get upset over him. And then I let him do it again, and again. I know alot of people understand this kind of thing but seriously at what point does it just get stupid to let people treat you in a certain way. He will never pick me over anything else and I should just forget about it. "We accept the love we think we deserve"-Confessions of a wallflower.

3. This is a more recent example. I had made it through 22 years without ever dyeing my hair and then one fateful day I decided I wanted a change. So I dyed my hair an awful color of blonde. When that didn't work I used another box of dye in order to improve this color. That did not help so I got panicky and decided I must dye it back. Which worked out well for a bit, except now its in a weird fading stage where my hair is like 5 different weird colors. And I want to dye it again because I have more brown hair dye. But this seems like a time where I might not be learning a lesson. I also had the same experience with cutting my own hair several years ago.

4. The last lesson I have not learned is related to my last blog. Dogtags. He has made it adamentely clear what he is about, and I have made several vows that the last time I hung out with him would be the last. And yet here I am being like maybe things will be different this time and he actually wants a relationship. But no I'm pretty sure I am just a stupid girl.


  1. what if every girl on the planet has this same problem? i most certainly do, which must be why i love you so much.

  2. dude, do you not remember the time i tried to dye my hair red, and 3 bottles of dye was not enough. dying one's own hair is generally a bad idea. unless you've been doing it yourself a long time.

  3. You are not stupid, silly, but not stupid. :)

  4. I do everything you just listed except instead of wine its tequila...i think its every girl.

  5. Definitely an every girl thing, I know a lot of people (boys and girls) who make these same mistakes all the time <3 Your roomie